If you've ever planned a wedding, you'll know the struggle of having to decide who gets invited, who gets to be a groomsman or a bridesmaid, who is just there for the ceremony and whatnot. We're both financially in a good place, but for the past 3 years I've been earning twice what she makes. Then it's the namesake. You really do love to see it. My sister-in-law, who lives on the other side of the country, is upset that we won't pay for her ticket and is now refusing to come to the wedding. In our culture, the wedding is a very small event with close family and a few friends but the wedding reception is a large (200-300 people) come and go or come and stay until the end event with food, music, dancing, etc. She is very interested in sustainable fashion and is a perfect companion to go to second-hand shops and antiques for nearly anything: clothes, books or furniture. Brian Skellenger. Background. If the planning would have ended with me having more guests than she would've had, then I would've willingly covered entirely the cost of the extra guests coming from my side. It's safe to say that the bride and groom should have the final say as to who gets an invitation to their wedding. (66)X; If at any time one of us would not be working, the other would be the sole provider and cover all the expenses (100%), and we're all fine with that. Sorry, this post was deleted by the person who originally posted it. They now own 3 homes as they just purchased a second rental property. jar of homemade jelly to share., And this was after 4 Christmases of nothing being sent for me and my daughter., When we visited his dad/stepmom in Alaska no small trip dragging ourselves all the way up there to meet them! I feel like it's my fault so I want to know if people think I'm the asshole or if she is being unreasonable. "She is planning her wedding (and let me know a few things she wanted for her special day): Since their future in-laws are so conservative and religious, my husband is not allowed to attend the wedding; I said: OK, it's your day. My daughter and I were given a 6 oz. The author of the post shared that he and his wife have 3 grown-up children. Something people would spend $40K on and walk away with no regret, just beautiful memories. The Bored Panda iOS app is live! Please listen to the people here who have experienced this. We decided we wanted to have our wedding up in a canyon, but to access this canyon it costs $10 So we're having our guests Pay the $10 to enter the canyon. Cookie Notice Image source: RosieBaker19. .FIYolDqalszTnjjNfThfT{max-width:256px;white-space:normal;text-align:center} Footing the bill again would severely affect many of our plans for the next year that we were saving up for. I Crochet Miniature Animals, Birds And Other Creatures (30 Pics), Here Is A Collection Of 57 Mind-Boggling 3D Illusion Art Pieces By Kurt Wenner, 50 Times Signs Were So Funny, People Had To Share Them On This Facebook Page, 23 Y.O. "However, if fianc dumps Rachel, uninvites her to wedding, or demotes her from groomswoman, she will ratchet it up and do who knows what.". NTA. ._3bX7W3J0lU78fp7cayvNxx{max-width:208px;text-align:center} NTA. She has a bachelors degree in Translation and Interpreting and a masters degree in Future Media and Journalism. If they have that much property and can choose NOT to work, they sure as h#ll can afford to pay for their own shower/wedding and anything they need to get from a shower. I would not marry a man who is, in effect, telling his sons that your sons are not family. "Only Smart Brides Save Money": Fianc Loses It After Finding Out His Wife-To-Be Spent $400 Of Her Own Money On A Wedding Dress Ieva Gailit and Ilona Balinait In an ideal world, planning a wedding would be a thrill. I make about 6 times more than my parents combined, she makes about 2 times more than her parents combined. I don't think it has to be said but to be clear I completely understand that this was unforseen and a very stressful time for the both of them. "She ain't giving up without a MAJOR fight.". Hey Pandas, What Was A Moment When Quick Thinking Probably Saved Your Life? An absolute blast. 787 top end rebuild; can you. Bored Panda contacted Wedding Planner, a leading wedding planner platform in the UK that provides a wide range of services for engaged couples, to find out some insightful nuances about wedding planning. Of course, when we go out and have romantic dinners (about once a week) I cover the cost, and we usually give each other gifts every month or so, but those are extras. Finally it's AITA for not going to my best friend's sister's wedding? When someone does this, it's time to pick up the phone. NO!. Sounds like someone who doesn't plan ahead. Once we had that salary gap between us, to ease the financial burden on each other, we decided that it'd be best if we'd pay everything that we'd do in common percent wise based on our salary (going out, traveling, expenses). ._2cHgYGbfV9EZMSThqLt2tx{margin-bottom:16px;border-radius:4px}._3Q7WCNdCi77r0_CKPoDSFY{width:75%;height:24px}._2wgLWvNKnhoJX3DUVT_3F-,._3Q7WCNdCi77r0_CKPoDSFY{background:var(--newCommunityTheme-field);background-size:200%;margin-bottom:16px;border-radius:4px}._2wgLWvNKnhoJX3DUVT_3F-{width:100%;height:46px} She's very disappointed and things have been icy because they would have to put off getting a house together if they were to pay for the wedding and they still wouldn't be able to afford the wedding that they want. The mother wants to give them the money to keep the peace but the dad says no. Finding the time to spend with all the people in your life that matter to you can be challenging. There are so many views that I haven't even considered and you are all right in your own way. Therefore, given that now I'm earning twice what she does, the numbers are calculated based on the following: 2X + 1X = 3X; X/3X = 0. Therefore, she and her fianc requested that each guest gift them $1,500 in cash to pay off their wedding. I am curious on this. not always. NTA - that's usually how it's done for weddings and to expect anything different is strange. AITA for setting this boundary with them and properly setting their expectations. Employers don't like that ho~hum attitude, either. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ. We also have so little in common. It's her guest list and I get that. ._2Gt13AX94UlLxkluAMsZqP{background-position:50%;background-repeat:no-repeat;background-size:contain;position:relative;display:inline-block} She asked for advice on Reddit 's " Am I the A****** " forum. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Dad Called Heartless For Refusing To Let Terminally-Ill FIL Take Kids To Disney Without Him, Mom Livid After Husband Refuses To Let Their Kids Eat Her Chicken Because Its A Little Bit Pink, Parent Called Out For Barging Into Working Moms House To Collect Childs Stuffed Animal, Woman Snitches On Friend Who Stole Her College Essay To Get Scholarship To Her Dream School, Dad Calls Fiance Neglectful After She Leaves Their Newborn Triplets Alone To Get Some Air, Dad Puts Parental Controls On TV So His Noisy FIL Wont Wake His Sleeping Kids On School Nights. That's my question. It's a shame, but there it is. NTA.~suzris. While I disagree with this imo and would never do it. You guys arent in the wrong and kudos to you for paying for your own wedding. She needs to be a grownup and plan accordingly. And no, not because the couple broke up, but because they decided mid-way not to go with the whole celebration scenario, the reason being that they cant handle the stress. Welcome to r/AmITheAsshole. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. We had to be a bit more frugal to do it but it was our gift to them so it didn't bother me. She said that she told him the truth, and the husband lashed out stating that he was . "Also likely spread many rumors. They said they would pay for the shower. My fiance ( 23M) and I (23 F) are getting married in less than a month. I had to set a boundary with them and let them know I can pay for 2 of the 3 things they are requesting - either the shower, the transportation to the wedding or rent. I'm a photo editor. After many years working in the service industry, in many different States, there is one thing a lot of people don't realize. Weddings are boring, if you want people to enjoy them they should have someone to enjoy it with. Help keep the sub engaging! I highlighted that I'd prefer we'd invite only family and friends that we're actively communicating and going out with, that I'd rather spend that precious time with people I care most for, rather than being split around tables having to entertain people I rarely even talk to. Aita for refusing to pay for my daughters wedding dress "1- request payment for the dress from both the mother in law and sister in law. /*# sourceMappingURL=https://www.redditstatic.com/desktop2x/chunkCSS/IdCard.ea0ac1df4e6491a16d39_.css.map*/._2JU2WQDzn5pAlpxqChbxr7{height:16px;margin-right:8px;width:16px}._3E45je-29yDjfFqFcLCXyH{margin-top:16px}._13YtS_rCnVZG1ns2xaCalg{font-family:Noto Sans,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;font-weight:400;line-height:18px;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex}._1m5fPZN4q3vKVg9SgU43u2{margin-top:12px}._17A-IdW3j1_fI_pN-8tMV-{display:inline-block;margin-bottom:8px;margin-right:5px}._5MIPBF8A9vXwwXFumpGqY{border-radius:20px;font-size:12px;font-weight:500;letter-spacing:0;line-height:16px;padding:3px 10px;text-transform:none}._5MIPBF8A9vXwwXFumpGqY:focus{outline:unset} They never asked about me or my daughter or showed any curiosity., My ex never stood up for me, always got mad at me for feeling hurt or even saying anything to him in private about any of it., Always defended everyone else but me with all these convoluted explanations/rationalizations., In contrast, my parents called his daughter their second granddaughter, everyone else in my family fully embraced ex and his daughter, my parents sent equal/matching gifts to both girls, as well as gifts for my ex, starting our very first Christmas together., The contrast was stark and obvious, and I only mention it because when people are loving and accepting, they behave that way., Its not rocket science or some complicated puzzle you have to keep trying to solve; it just comes easily and naturally. The specialists revealed that this is not a very common occurrence, adding: The more common scenario is for couples to completely change their minds before the actual planning starts. Even though this sounds like a great alternative, the parents were quite upset with their daughter spending their $5K on caterers and wedding-related things that they couldnt get back. Or vice versa. Skip to GTV: 10:00. Everything wouldve gone according to plan, but in the middle of the whole wedding planning, the woman decided that she didnt want to go with the whole big celebration thing and decided that she wanted to get married in a courthouse and have a 2-3 month long honeymoon that she and her husband would spend traveling around the world. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. It is also normal for guests to pay their travel and accommodation costs! ._3oeM4kc-2-4z-A0RTQLg0I{display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-ms-flex-pack:justify;justify-content:space-between} Redditor u/WitchyGothLove, a 24-year-old woman with whom Bored Panda got in touch, recently came over to the Am I The A-Hole subreddit to share a confrontation she had with some of her friends. And you have free meal and free booze! Do this over text and save any and . Quite simply no one can afford for her to attend. Run as fast as you can from this relationship and this family. For context, OP is getting married soon. Tell us about any non-violent conflict you have experienced; give us both sides of the story, and find out if you're right, or you're the asshole. Yes. Let's keep in touch and we'll send more your way. Saul Tolstych. Besides that, her parents want to also invite their own friends and work colleagues, which we've never met. I did not argue with my sister because my best friend wasn't invitedI just wasn't sure how else to title this without it being too wordy. What should couples do when they get overwhelmed with the whole planning process? And we're all happy with that! And his name is Crazy man. if she cant afford to come, then she cant come. A lot of users online agreed with the man, stating that she isnt entitled to this money, its seen more as the parents generous offer. ._1LHxa-yaHJwrPK8kuyv_Y4{width:100%}._1LHxa-yaHJwrPK8kuyv_Y4:hover ._31L3r0EWsU0weoMZvEJcUA{display:none}._1LHxa-yaHJwrPK8kuyv_Y4 ._31L3r0EWsU0weoMZvEJcUA,._1LHxa-yaHJwrPK8kuyv_Y4:hover ._11Zy7Yp4S1ZArNqhUQ0jZW{display:block}._1LHxa-yaHJwrPK8kuyv_Y4 ._11Zy7Yp4S1ZArNqhUQ0jZW{display:none} if you included her in the wedding party (bridesmaid etc), you dont have to pay for her fare, but expect to have one less bridesmaid. You're getting married somewhere close to wherever you live. Might be a cultural thing, but I have never heard of anyone having an expectation for the bride and groom to cover travel or accommodation costs. All the guests and family are on your side. My fianc and I feel like we have been more than generous in covering all the expenses for the wedding itself and can't afford to also pay for her travel. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. ._2ik4YxCeEmPotQkDrf9tT5{width:100%}._1DR1r7cWVoK2RVj_pKKyPF,._2ik4YxCeEmPotQkDrf9tT5{display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-ms-flex-align:center;align-items:center}._1DR1r7cWVoK2RVj_pKKyPF{-ms-flex-pack:center;justify-content:center;max-width:100%}._1CVe5UNoFFPNZQdcj1E7qb{-ms-flex-negative:0;flex-shrink:0;margin-right:4px}._2UOVKq8AASb4UjcU1wrCil{height:28px;width:28px;margin-top:6px}.FB0XngPKpgt3Ui354TbYQ{display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-ms-flex-align:start;align-items:flex-start;-ms-flex-direction:column;flex-direction:column;margin-left:8px;min-width:0}._3tIyrJzJQoNhuwDSYG5PGy{display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-ms-flex-align:center;align-items:center;width:100%}.TIveY2GD5UQpMI7hBO69I{font-size:12px;font-weight:500;line-height:16px;color:var(--newRedditTheme-titleText);white-space:nowrap;overflow:hidden;text-overflow:ellipsis}.e9ybGKB-qvCqbOOAHfFpF{display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-ms-flex-align:center;align-items:center;width:100%;max-width:100%;margin-top:2px}.y3jF8D--GYQUXbjpSOL5.y3jF8D--GYQUXbjpSOL5{font-weight:400;box-sizing:border-box}._28u73JpPTG4y_Vu5Qute7n{margin-left:4px} .ehsOqYO6dxn_Pf9Dzwu37{margin-top:0;overflow:visible}._2pFdCpgBihIaYh9DSMWBIu{height:24px}._2pFdCpgBihIaYh9DSMWBIu.uMPgOFYlCc5uvpa2Lbteu{border-radius:2px}._2pFdCpgBihIaYh9DSMWBIu.uMPgOFYlCc5uvpa2Lbteu:focus,._2pFdCpgBihIaYh9DSMWBIu.uMPgOFYlCc5uvpa2Lbteu:hover{background-color:var(--newRedditTheme-navIconFaded10);outline:none}._38GxRFSqSC-Z2VLi5Xzkjy{color:var(--newCommunityTheme-actionIcon)}._2DO72U0b_6CUw3msKGrnnT{border-top:none;color:var(--newCommunityTheme-metaText);cursor:pointer;padding:8px 16px 8px 8px;text-transform:none}._2DO72U0b_6CUw3msKGrnnT:hover{background-color:#0079d3;border:none;color:var(--newCommunityTheme-body);fill:var(--newCommunityTheme-body)} literally whenever I would start talking both of them would start scrolling on their phones., Im not even kidding. "I SPECIFICALLY I mean SPECIFICALLY asked for cash gifts. She kinda agrees with it being a small wedding, though, she'd like to invite family members with which she hasn't even spoken in years (to quote her: "they're still family overall, it's not nice"). She was very nice and polite and very good with my granddaughter. Or not. Please provide your email address and we will send your password shortly. Read this._3K2ydhts9_ES4s9UpcXqBi{display:block;padding:0 16px;width:100%} Concerns were raised about the relationship. Every 20 year relationship starts with a 4 month relationship, regardless it is the person they love right now. (I denied the guests invites my parents proposed from their side). They asked another family member to help plan the shower. Me and my fiance carefully chose the rules and in total there was about 30 rules. Judgement_Bot_AITA 1 min. Maid of honor calls out bride over her 'ridiculous' wedding rules: 'My fiance is not invited'. Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Or allow/support others doing the same. ago My dream is to get an RV and travel around the world with my dog. If SIL can't afford the ticket then she can choose not to come. ._3-SW6hQX6gXK9G4FM74obr{display:inline-block;vertical-align:text-bottom;width:16px;height:16px;font-size:16px;line-height:16px} Hey! Skip to first sitch: 20:03. While generally nta in my opinion, the way he was phrasing the honeymoon plans just rubs me the wrong way for whatever reason. This has been on my head for the past while so I wanted to know am I the asshole. But they are not assholes if they won't come as a result. A few months ago we said to our family and friends that only a few select people will be making speeches, and giving them a fairly strict time limit. "She was shocked to hear me say . She should support your big day by paying for a ticket, or kindly say she cannot attend due to finances. Its uncommon to go halfway down the road of planning a certain type of wedding and then going in the opposite direction.. Hey Pandas, What Was Your Popular Moment? The father revealed that their family had an agreement that the parents would give their children each $10K to be spent on the wedding or a down payment on their first home. Run, OP. On the other hand, she didn't ask for more than what was remaining. A mom asked the AITA community on Reddit for their opinion, on whether or not she did the right thing by taking her daughter and leaving a wedding they were attending because her stepbrother pulled off her wig in front of everyone. NTA, either she pays or she stays home. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. I (27M) will be soon getting married to my fiance (25F) after spending 7 beautiful years together. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: I decided to go against my father's wishes and not invite all of his cousins' kids to my wedding. AITA for leaving my husband's brother's wedding after I got told to sit with "formal guests"? (And it goes both ways, if you move across the country you can't really expect people to show up for everything, and you can't be upset when you don't get crowds for your wedding). Cancel the wedding and EVERYONES invites get cancelled! OP is NTA.". The extra guests cost would be 1 month's salary for her. Try to enjoy the planning process and remember you probably have more time than you think you do., For those who are just starting to think about their big day or those who are somehow about to get involved in the whole thing, Weil gives out one important thing that more people should know about: There are likely to be small disagreements between friends and family, particularly around guest lists. A woman and her fiance got invited to go on holiday by car, and it turned out they would have to endure a screaming baby and bad odors for the whole trip Image credits: 55555551i2 The original poster on the Reddit subforum embarked on a road trip with her fiance's family and it went quite poorly from the get-go. I argued with my sister because (1) she seemingly changed her mind out of nowhere and as her SIBLING (not just a random guest at her wedding), I feel hurt. We're asking people to rethink comments that seem similar to others that have been reported or downvoted, By using our services you agree to our use of cookies to improve your visit. He has a massive family and mine is less than a third of his. NTA. cf; pf . Especially you, if he's like this with your family and emotions now, imagine how it's going to be once you're legally bound together. Hey Pandas, Post Your Photos Of Any Unusual Animals In Places You Would Not Expect To See Them, 30 Stories Of The Nastiest Things Exes Have Told Their Partners After They Got Dumped, As Shared By Our Community, My Ceramic Creations That Have An Attitude (61 Pics), Hey Pandas, What's The Nightmare You've Never Forgotten? You're not the asshole. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: My mother thinks I'm being an asshole because I don't want her to bring one of her friends to my wedding. After it's AITA for not getting along with my sister in law? .s5ap8yh1b4ZfwxvHizW3f{color:var(--newCommunityTheme-metaText);padding-top:5px}.s5ap8yh1b4ZfwxvHizW3f._19JhaP1slDQqu2XgT3vVS0{color:#ea0027} and sh*t all over me and my daughter, making us feel very unwanted., Hes an ex for many reasons but that was a big one. Theres the spouse, kids, friends, parents. Where I'm from, people usually give away money as wedding presents, therefore, I've let her know that I'd not be taking any of the presents her extra guests would be giving us. 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Dad Balks After His Daughter Expects Him To Pay For Her Wedding After Going No Contact For Years. ye hq uo. So a couple may have originally thought they wanted to have a big wedding with lots of guests but then end up going down the route of eloping. Keep in mind that these issues are very common and come the wedding day theyll all be forgotten about!, Image credits: Sean P. Anderson (not the actual image). Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post. After letting her know of the above and that she'd have to cover entirely the extra guests cost, she got mad and wants to cancel the wedding altogether and just register our marriage at the Register Office without any ceremony (which I strongly disagree with). AITA for not paying for my daughter's wedding after it was postponed? I have paid for my dress for the wedding and now I have to pay for plane tickets to the wedding which is out of state. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment. Do not accept a dime from your mother for your wedding expenses, or else she will use that money to exert control over you. In my free time, I love going to art galleries, exhibitions, concerts or just hanging out in nature with my friends. He doesnt like that we arent invited but hes not turning down a free vacation either., After she invited him and his boys and made all the plans and purchased tickets she told him shed pay for their accommodations but he had to help pay for everything else., He barely makes enough money to cover his own bills and his part of our shared bills (mortgage & utilities). Im supposed to be a bridesmaid in the wedding. Image credits: _Bluenose Girl (not the actual image). Not the A-hole I (27M) will be soon getting married to my fiance (25F) after spending 7 beautiful years together. I am 20 years old. Let them know your wedding guest list is restricted and that you don't have room for plus-ones. Privacy Policy. To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. I've let her know that we will split the finances percent wise for up to 35 invites from each other's side, and that she'd have to cover entirely the extra guests that'd be coming from her side (any guest above 35). Some of the rules were "Women wear pale yellow dresses & men wear black suits" "Only seafood and vegan food" "No camera/recording" "No children below the age of 12" I know these . Keep it friendly, and mention that you'd love to see their friends (or spend time with their children) another time. We're both financially in a good place, but for the past 3 years I've been earning twice what she makes. We are doing a small wedding and only inviting 20 guests. Therefore, whenever we need to pay for something, I pay 67% of it, and she's paying the remaining 33%. By submitting email you agree to get Bored Panda newsletter. Therefore, we'd have overall about 90-100 guests, give or take. We loved her since the first day we met her. 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